choices

When a 53 year old woman looks closely at her life and finds more disappointment and frustration, than happiness and contentment, something needs to change. That 53 year old woman is me. So cliche yet so unbelievable that I of all people ended up in this unfufilling, uncreative, empty, dead relationship. I am married to a unadmitted alcoholic and chronic pot smoker and occasional prescription drub abuser. I know that he has always been an addict, but for whatever reason at the time I chose to either 1. Join in or 2. Hope it got better. Well when I had got pregnant with my daughter 16 years ago, I grew up. I became a certified adult. Real career, no drugs, occasional social drink, you know...normal. Well my husband, much to my surprise could not give up his childish ways and become a man. He barely keeps a job, does little to nothing around our house (it's not a home) and is high constantly. Why you ask, don't I just kick him out? Well, it's a little complicated due to financial issues, but I have set a date of March 1, 2011. If he has not made major changes in his behavior such as working a program and deciding what is more important, a family who loves him or drugs and drug dealers who just want his money, then I will make that very hard choice to disolve my 26 year relationship. I want my life back. I want to find out who I am again. I want the weight of the world off my shoulders. I want to let go off all fear and take a risk. I will not be having this same conversation next year at this time, oh no. Next year at this time I will be blogging about my new happy life.